Memory is a funny thing. It can recall the most random of moments and erase the most necessary facts. It will remind you of what you wish you could forget and deny you the very thing for which your mind searches. Memory does what it wants, when it wants. Try...
I recently got to spend the day fangirling one of my favorite authors, Rob Bell, on the last day of his “How to Be” tour. I loved his book, How to Be Here, and my sweet friend surprised me with tickets to this event for my birthday. I’m not even...
There are moments in life that will send you to your knees, reeling with disbelief, begging for divine intervention. There are moments that will deliver a gut punch so powerful and so precise, that you will struggle to breathe for the rest of your life. There are moments so unbearably cruel, so...
Showering has become an issue again. I just cannot force myself to do it regularly. It’s strange how things that were such a high priority once upon a time have become such an unbearable chore. For a year, I wrote and wrote and wrote. I wrote about my feelings, my...
Christmas is my favorite holiday. Was. Christmas was my favorite holiday. I’d deck the house from top to bottom with Christmas décor and my home became a winter wonderland. I remember pulling into the garage one afternoon, sometime in April, and seeing all of the storage bins full of Christmas...
Sometimes, I think I get so distracted with thoughts of death that I limit my ability to focus on life. When I realize I am doing that, the pendulum swings radically in the other direction and I am determined to laugh a little louder, breathe a little deeper, and suck...
Halloween has never been my thing. Oh, I did it up for Mase ‘cause that’s what mamas do, but it’s never been the holiday that really tripped my trigger. Now, even less so. Mase, age 3 As I sip my coffee and consider my evening plans, I’m wondering, “What does a childless...
It’s strange to be writing this because I still feel like I am living in a dream, a nightmare of the worst kind. I still hope I will wake up on June 3rd, 2013, and have a chance to do it all over again and save my son’s life. But...
I was never fully convinced that I had a soul until I felt mine shatter on June 3rd, 2013. I had always suspected we were spiritual beings, and forever hoped there was something more eternal than just this temporary existence on earth, but what confirmation do we have? Faith is...
I want a second chance. I miss my son so much and I cannot stand this new existence without him! I want to make a deal with the universe or God or whomever – I want to get Mason back. Can’t I just rewind? What kind of bargain can I...